Love Songs
Published: August 27, 2008 | | Submit An Inquiry

Dear Chivalry,

     When I was 18 years old my first, no second, wait! let's not count, serious boyfriend told me to stop making him mixtapes. "You only listen to love songs," he said "Don't you know anything else?".  And I realized I didn't.  I then forced myself to learn to appreciate music that wasn't love-is-forever-I'll-build-my-world-around-you music.  The problem Chivalry, is that the change in soundtrack has not altered my warped expectations and fears of falling in love.  I am a quote: vibrant, emancipated, single, young, and sexual woman, end quote. However, I often find said fears complicating my enjoyment of these things.  I fear the responsibility of being needed to complete someone, needing them, and my ability to make the right "real sustaining compromise" that equals love - forever.  If I make that promise, I fear my ability to keep it; but I want that more than anything.  As a result I torture myself, ruminating over the significance and legitimacy of - what seems to be apparent for everyone else - ephemeral or insubstantial relationships.  How can I guide myself towards more meaningful relationships or let go of such severe hopes and expectations?  Maybe I just need a better soundtrack?

-Blaming It On The Jams

Dear Blaming,

     I'm not going to pretend that the questions you're asking are even remotely answerable,  but I can point out the interesting correlation that you've drawn here.  Expanding one's taste can be considered infinitely similar to something like gaining experience in relationships.  As you shape your aesthetic sense, you naturally begin to appreciate more and branch out.  And with your relationships, the valuable lessons you learn will eventually account for what make up your desires and aspirations.  In both respects you are searching to be made to feel something and the more you know the more you have to compare to.  As you get older, the inclinations of true love and the ideas surrounding such magic can be diluted by the inevitable disappointments that come with taking chances.  The constant search is present for everyone and for some, never goes away.   

     You should know that you have every right to be afraid.  To feel like you can let yourself fall in love means that you have to be able to risk everything, and of course, this isn't easy.  But it seems like you are asking if you should compromise your true feelings, and I can say without doubt that I believe that you shouldn't.  It's all too common in us to accept what is easy and given before the difficult and ultimately more rewarding path.  After all, what is more important than this?  What should take precedence over your greatest happiness in true love?  Nothing should.  

     I would say to make your best attempt to keep these auspicious hopes intact and just keep looking.  Your favorite song is most likely one you haven't even heard yet.  




Helen Kane - "I Wanna Be Loved By You"
Concretes, The - "On The Radio"
Magnetic Fields, The - "Love Goes Home To Paris In The Spring"
Richard Swift - "Would You"
Ola Podrida - "Instead"
Luke Winslow-King - "Our Yes"
Richard Hawley - "Love Of My Life"
Phil Elverum & Julie Doiron - "You Swan Go On"
Bonnie "Prince" Billy - "Even If Love (Film Version)"
Young Marble Giants - "Searching For Mr. Right"

Film: Lásky Jedné Plavovlásky