Even Those With The Best Intentions
Published: September 23, 2009 | | Submit An Inquiry


Dear Chivalry,

     I met a nice guy a while back, he relocated to be with me but then cheated on me while out of town on a business trip.  I am fantastic and not deserving of that type of behavior so we broke it off.

     He is still a dear close friend because he understands me so well and is very supportive of my artistic endeavors.  He has come into some money trouble and I have a spare room at my house.  Normally I feel like this would be a poor choice since it has only been a few short months since we split but I think I'm going through with it.

     What do you think?  I'm so torn about this because he is the sweetest most wonderful man I've ever dated while simultaneously being the worst.

Best,

R

Dear R,

     Be careful here.  Living with someone can be stressful under any circumstances.  By no means should you turn your back on someone you care about when they need help, but you have to admit, there are a lot of red flags.

     Simply put, it's very hard to think of a reason why any of this would be a good idea for you.  While I admire your ability to be so kind and forgiving after such a terrible episode like the one you mentioned, it really feels like you would be inviting disaster with a deal like this.  Feeling conflicted about it is completely understandable, it's good nature to want to lend a hand to someone in trouble.  But sometimes the affection you still feel towards someone you were close to can cloud your better judgment as to what is actually best in the long run.  Combining close living quarters with the apparent confusion over how you feel about him would essentially be, well, asking for it. 

     If there really is no other option and you do end up going through with this though, then the only real advice I could give would be to make certain things clear from the beginning.  Setting a specific time limitation on how long he stays in your house that you feel is fair and reasonable could be a good thing for the both of you.  Leaving things open ended and ambiguous always leads to arguments that most of the time could have been avoided with a simple talk.

     But before you make a final decision, try to give this some more thought.

Signed,

Chivalry
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