There Is No Easy Way
Published: September 10, 2009 | | Submit An Inquiry

Dear Chivalry,

     How do you end a romance with someone you really truly love?

     I love him, I do...  It's just that I know we aren't in it for a lifetime of love and togetherness.  It seems so cliché but I want us to remain good friends.  I want him to know that he can rely on me just as he always has.  We were long distance for two years and are now living in the same city.  It has been two months since we've been 'back together' and I am not feeling the flips in my tummy or sparks when we look into one another's eyes.  Instead I see our differences outweighing our likenesses.  I find myself feeling nostalgic for what we once had and a sickness about how horrible I feel...  He moved back to be with me and has no family or friends in the area.  I just feel awful for having a change of heart.  


Dear XO,

     It would be fairly pointless for me to pretend that I can offer some kind of simple means that will make this situation easier for you.  As I'm sure you are fully aware, absolutely nothing about this is easy.  When you truly care for someone and you find yourself in this position, that time before you actually tell them how you feel, the time you're going through right now, can be incredibly draining both mentally and physically.  The immense and burdensome guilt you carry can feel completely overwhelming.

     I know that it's hard, but try not to beat up on yourself too much.  In so many ways, it's impossible to predict the future of the relationship you're in.  I'm sure that you didn't plan on things working out this way when you made the decision to be together again and live close to one another.  Sometimes our feelings change towards someone whether we want them to or not, and more than often we certainly can't control the timing. 

     Having personally been on both sides of the table, I'm really not sure what is easier.  Most would say being broken up with is obviously harder to handle, but I truly find both to be evenly matched, especially in a case like yours.  I have found though, that the longer you wait on your end, things just become much more difficult.  If you feel you have spent enough time with your thoughts and you've made up your mind that you no longer feel the way you did for him - you should be honest and tell him what's in your heart.  With any luck, he will try to understand where you are coming from and then you can begin to work towards the friendship that you have in mind.  This of course will not be easy either, but continuing on the way things are now sounds much more difficult.

     I hope everything works out for you.




Chuck Jackson - Getting Ready For The Heartbreak
Jens Lekman - I Am Leaving You Because I Don't Love You
Julie Doiron - I Broke His Heart
Vincent Gallo - When
Sharon Van Etten - I Wish I Knew
Scout Niblett - Kiss
Ashley Erickson - Changes In The Weather
Robert Wyatt - Raining In My Heart
Reiko Kudo - Together
Brian McBride - For Those Who Hesitate