I didn't really have a good reason for this. I know you all think I was out every night dancing my face off and bumping lines of speed off a (law-abiding!) German hooker's ass, but really I was either:

A) experiencing a bit of stomach sickness;
B) walking around in the rain/sleet/snow;
C) embarrassing myself with my complete lack of German language skills; or
D) all of the above

The classic example of D) was my first trip to the grocery store...

My stomach was upset, so I decided to walk to the grocery store to purchase some tummy-friendly food (yogurt, bread, bananas). First problem: I can't find the food. Patrick told me it was on the lower level, but I can't find the way downstairs. I finally locate the escalator down and - lo and behold! - it's not an escalator at all! It's that same metal, but there are no stairs! Sneaky! I almost slide right off it. I get to the bottom safe and sound, then I realize baskets and carts are upstairs.

About five minutes into my shopping, I am really hitting my stride. Just moseying along, looking at things... All of a sudden a voice comes through the loudspeaker. The only thing I understand is "10". I assume the voice has just said "the store is closing in 10 minutes." I'm running through the produce department, trying to finish shopping and get out before they close.

I'm dreading the checkout. I'm worried I won't have enough cash, and I don't dare use my credit card. The check out lady is ringing me through, then she sees my fruit and says something in German. "I'm sorry. I don't speak German". Through a series of elaborate hand gestures, she communicates that you're supposed to weigh produce before you get to the register. A really hot guy joins the growing line behind me. I start to sweat. I have no idea what to do. I don't see a scale anywhere. Thankfully, the woman gets another attendant to weigh the fruit and print out the little barcode stickers.

I finish checking out; I have enough cash. Everything's OK. I turn to walk away when, in a totally surprise move, the woman behind me snatches the receipt from my hand, then starts talking rapidly to the cashier in German. I'm confused. Hot Guy's amused ("Serves her right, damn monolingual Americans!"). The only thing I understand is "bananas". I finally piece together that I was charged incorrectly for my three bananas. The cashier asks another employee to take me to the customer service counter, where I wait for a fourth person to help me.

While I'm waiting, the man behind me says something to me in German. I smile and say, "Ich sprache keine Deutsch". Usually the fact that I bothered to learn "I don't speak German" in German curries some favour. Not so in this case. The man laughs in my face. In this case, "in" means a mere 12 inches or so away from me. (Now considering Berliners don't even crack a smile when you pass them on the street, the way they flout personal space rules is a bit surprising.) I have no idea why this is happening. Is it the fact that me saying "Ich sprache keine Deutsch" is rendered immediately redundant by my abysmal pronunciation? Or maybe he saw the whole fruit-weighing debacle moments earlier...

The shame of public humiliation was so not worth the $2 I was refunded for my bananas. Also, the store didn't close for another two hours.