Some people live the high life. I run around like a fool while friends of mine get paid to review take out. Yesterday I got to accompany Troy on assignment pre-Mujapedeen meeting for carry-out on the Grand Rapids Press. We hit up te Urban Mill on Michigan by college and I had a abd feeling about it right from the get-go. Think faux-euro-boho-coffeeshop with a heavy emphasis on appealing to suburbanites. I had a terrible time trying to figure out what to order; nothing looked appealing at all. I ordered a half a roast beef sandwich and Troy got a chicken pesto cliche. We both got fancy blended coffee drinks, but I call them milkshakes. We packed up and rode to the Pickwick to eat. Ok. I know I exagerate frequently. I say things like, "oh my, I worked a million hours today," or, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the best TV show EVER!" So I want to be perfectly clear when I say now that the sandwich I had from the Urban Mill was the Single Worst Sandwich I Have EVER HAD. It was also one of the Least Satisfying Meals Ever, and let me tell you, I have eaten gross and bizarre sandwiches, and many unfufilling meals. The sandwich, which came on some flaccid marble rye (dry!), was dressed with one 3 millimeter thin slice of pale supermarket tomato, some strings of onion, lettuce, and one half-folded piece of meat. Seriously, what deli puts one piece of meat on a sandwich? Troy and I spent some time trying to come up with things he could write about it. "Almost post-modern in its simplicity," "Minimalism in action," "A unique dining experience," "Exceedingly well-packaged take out." The press won't write a bad review, but that's why I'm here! Urban Mill: Don't Bother EVER!
Urban Mill (shudder)