Vacation Pt. 1
By Lydia on August 20, 2008 3:29 PM| | Comments (3)
Sunday August 10th. 5PM

I am standing in the walk-in beer cooler at the Port Huron Duty Free. I am surrounded by enough cases of beer to make a really amazing castle fort, one with turrets and a moat. The problem? Constructing a scale model of Camelot may in fact be the best use of this beer. I know I've expounded before on the greatness of even shitty beer, but what kind of a country lets Molson be the creme de la creme? When given a choice between 8 different bullshit lagers how excited can I be? Alexander Keith's is the obvious choice, given its cheapness and its slogan: "Those who like it like it a lot."

Sunday August 10th 11PM

Alexander Keith's is purportedly an IPA, but this is a grievous misnomer. It is an IPA like Schlitz is an IPA. Also, Keith's is oddly sweet, with a sacchrine mouthfeel.  Still, its vacation, so I drink three.

Monday August 11 6PM

I spent all day on the floating dock reading Gossip Girl, and now I feel a little dizzy and a little sick. Its unclear which influence is the cause. Its cocktail hour, which is when the family gathers around gin on the porch to argue. The topics vary, but today's is the Atwoods, my dad's cousins who we share our cottage with. We don't get along for various reasons including 1. They are really rich. 2. They have jobs like "Head of Construction for Wal-Mart," and "marrying for money and never working a day." 3. They don't like us; once my dad hitchhiked up to the cottage when they were there and they wouldn't let him stay. They stranded him at the dock and wouldn't come to fetch him. He just had to hitchhike back.

I have never met most of this part of my family, and I think thats weird.  My cousin Brianna and I decide that come summer we will make an epic journey to see all our estranged family and we will document the whole thing and become internet celebrities.

Tuesday August 12 1PM

There are 14 of us staying here at the moment, and that means that every day someone has to go grocery shopping. There is just no way to keep that much food in one house, not to mention that much beer.  Shopping is a pain, and it involves a boat ride and a drive in the car. The grocery at Port Carling is OK, but strange. It is designed for cottagers, so it has pate, but no kale; prepared peanut sauce but no parsley. We make do with creative substitutions, and stock up on all the amazing Canadian foodstuffs we go without most of the year. Pamplamous is my sister Fiona's favorite, and is a grapefruit soda with half sugar, half aspartame.  I think its totes nast, and much prefer the limonata- sparkling lemonade that is not a million dollars like that stuff you can get at Russo's. The Canadian stuff is, like, spartan brand equivelent. We also search for crumpets. Crumpets are similar to english muffins, but are not to be split. Actually they are like a cross between injara (that ethiopian pancakey bread thing) and english muffin. They are nicknamed "butter sponge" and my mama hates them. The odd thing is that they are very hard to find. The stores seem to be forever running out, and that damn Dempster's truck never shows up with fresh supplies. Crumpets, therefore, are a special treat.

The night I drank too much gin, Ashley pulled out two crumpets. I said, 'I thought you said you weren't hungry?' She said, 'Courtney, I'm making two because the first thing you'll want after a crumpet is another. Trust me.'

What an excellent week! I was tan enough at work yesterday that someone thought I was wearing 'stockings.'


That Camelot crack had me chuckling to myself all morning. I couldn't agree more about Molson. Yeech!

Hah! I spent my vacation complaining and arguing about Alexander Keith's too! I usually just end up getting Sleeman's Cream Ale or Original Dark since those aren't too bad, but this year I went for a litre of Jameson from the Duty Free store for $20 and four overpriced cans of assorted German beers. The Jameson was in a communal fridge, so I'm pretty sure that I didn't drink it all by myself. (I hope)