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September 2006 Archives

September 1, 2006

Hard-on

· I had a 5-minute giggle fit doing orientations today. After doing them all week and getting little sleep I finally broke. I'd started announcing that I was leaving in a few weeks and had already checked out, but was having fun with unprofessionalism. During the presentations I slowly started to mumble more, criticize the efficiency of our programs and insert stupid jokes. Today I finally cracked. As I rattled off part of the script I said the words "hard" and "on" next to each other. Ten seconds later, still talking, I started thinking about this and began to smile more, then chuckle, then I eventually couldn't stop laughing. It wasn't just at "hard-on" anymore. It was everything. Eventually I had John take over. I took over again and then started to laugh more when I saw someone smiling (about something else) in the class.

· Things I'm sick of:


  • The phrase "Big black guy"
  • Construction site cranes flying large American flags
  • Hearing that my older brother needs his driver's license
  • Chex Mix: The cereal (or whatever it is I've been eating for breakfast)
  • 80s Night
  • Pants
  • The three Netflix movies I've had for two weeks, unwatched

· The other day my dad announced,
"I've seen the light. I'm moving the sugar from the toaster area to the island." (This represents a move from along the wall of the kitchen to the center, by the stove)

My mom disapproved, saying, "The fuck you are. Leave that sugar over there."

"But Diane, with the sugar over here the ants don't get into it."
"Fine, you can leave it there until we get the new countertop. It'll look tacky right there."
"Hell no. With the sugar over here I don't have throw it out every other day."
"You just need to kill more ants. You can spray Raid more often, you know."

And they continued to argue. I thought about it for a minute. My dad is suggesting preventive measures and my mom is suggesting...I don't know the word. Is it "punitive measures"? In my mind this represented some age-old battle in social reforms. Condoms vs. abortions. After school programs vs. juvenile hall. Coke vs. Pepsi. Carrot vs. stick. I don't know. I think I side with my dad on the issue.

· Every couple months I want to see this picture I saw on Marissa's livejournal a long time ago. I forget where to find it and get mad. Apparently I copied it to my computer and am once again happy to look at it. Thank you, Marissa!

September 7, 2006

Larry King News & Views

This is News and Views, here's my two cents, gang..

If you only see one film the rest of your life it should be "Mickey Blue Eyes".

When it comes to window blinds, vertical blinds are terrific, but so are horizontal blinds.

Has anybody ever died of a heart attack? I mean, really?

I don't care what anyone says, in my book, Ted Kaczynski is not the Unabomber.

Sudden thought: When did sugar diabetes become plain old diabetes?

Of all of the figures of the 20th Century one of the greatest has to be Robert Urich.

I have no tolerance, gang, for anyone who commits arson.

World Series prediction, it will be the Diamondbacks in 4.

The more I think about it, the more I appreciate the equator.

I don't ever remember seeing a Mormon, not once, not ever.

Is it just me, or is anyone else sick and tired of Nelson Mandela?

Here's the dirty truth, gang, Poland spring water does not come from Poland.

I interviewed Chile's imprisoned dictator General Pinochet last week, and take it from me, guys, this fella has a terrific laugh.

Does anybody remember baseball cards?

Between Hurricane Hugo and Hurricane Andrew, nothing beats Hurricane Hugo.

My wish for the new millennium is that we see a lot more of John Larroquette.

Family update, folks: Holding my baby son, Chance King makes me realize how much more I love him than my other children.

Margarine has its place, but nothing beats the real deal... butter.

Blue is wonderful but yellow is the best color.

I don't care what anyone says, in my book, Jeffrey Dahmer was not a cannibal.

When actor Harry Hamlin is on the tube, it's impossible to look away.

Two "must-dos" when visiting Atlanta: you must visit the Martin Luther King Memorial and you must try the cole slaw at Ezra's.

Here's my question of the day, folks: Why are reservations good if you make them at a restaurant but bad if you force Indians to live on them?

Of all the hosts of "The Tonight Show," one of the two or three greatest has got to be Johnny Carson.

Somebody ought to tell all these cigarette smokers - it just ain't safe, gang!

One of the great figures of the twentieth century has to be James Brolin.

The more I think about it, the more I love chicken -- a great, great meat.

If Timothy McVeigh is guilty of this terrible Oklahoma City bombing, then they should put that guy in jail for a long, long time.

You heard it here first, folks: John McEnroe was a hell of a tennis player.

September 11, 2006

Who you gonna' call? 911

· I woke up this morning around 7 and used the downstairs toilet near my room, fairly certain my mom was showering upstairs, but forgetting and not caring. As I lay back down I heard the shower door upstairs open and my mom shout something to my dad. He yelled something back and then I heard his voice call downstairs, "Hey, turn off the shower. Your mother's trying to take a shower." My brother, asleep on the couch, mumbled, "Yeah, okay. We will." I heard my mom yell something else and my dad say something about a pump. They talked more then she resumed her shower.

I don't quite understand why there is always an investigation when someone's shower goes cold. This is usually caused by someone flushing a toilet and the warm water resumes momentarily. Every time this happens to me I jump and flail then move to a corner of the shower (and it's a small shower) not being sprayed by cold water. Every few seconds I move my hands under the water and resume once it's warm again. The end.

· I've been having (too much! ah ha ahoy!) fun with filters and labels in gmail. It's not a big deal, but I've needed a To do list saved and accessible somewhere central.

1. Create a label called 'To do'
2. Create a filter, From: my e-mail, Has the words: "qazx"
3. Skip the Inbox (Archive it) and Apply the label: 'To do'

I then write my to do item in the subject line, 'Get a haircut', and type 'qazx' in the body and send it. When I look at my items from the 'To do' label I see:

Now I'll stop patting myself on the back like a goofy bastard.

· Humans are far more interesting and intelligent than machines. It angers me on a daily basis how stupid* machines are. Until a machine can argue with me against the statement, "Machines are dumb," I will forever feel superior them and cheers all you human-friends with imaginary champagne. I just hope they want to discuss that with me before getting angry and either deleting all my valuable data or kill me.

*purely logical, unable to understand simple commands

September 21, 2006

I smell French

As a going away present and a "sorry you lost your camera in Prague" gift, David organized the language department to get me a replacement digital camera. It's a Canon SD630. The LCD is huge. I used it when people came over to say goodbye.


This is supposed to make you think lots of people showed up. Enough did, and for that I'm grateful. I will genuinely miss you guys. I plan on maintaining vigorous, meaningful correspondence while I'm gone.










This dog came over and I referred to him as Aslan as he was a noble golden retriever. Little did I know that the next night, when my dad had his going away party, he would play dead for far too long. He rolled over with his paws in the air, tongue out and remaining unresponsive to all stimuli. Eventually a rough shaking woke him up and we all laughed again at how well he played dead. Maybe, like Aslan, he came back.


My cousin came over and we discovered our matching eyebrows.


And his girlfriend and Rae bonded.

The next day I left for a quick trip to New York before going to France. Where I'll be working for 7 months.


Rae saw me off at the airport. Not too long after this I was selected by the airline for a thorough search and questioning. People think just because you have a one-way ticket you're going to do something irrational...

Lanore took me in and I got to meet up with Greg, Mark, Matt and see Devon perform, but not much time for others, sadly. I spent most of my time buying last minute converters, getting my (lost) translated birth certificate notarized and asking people on globalfreeloaders.com for a couch to sleep on in Toulouse for a few days.

Continue reading "I smell French" »

September 26, 2006

Quickly, quickly...

After I take out lots of money, over several days, from my bank account I'll have an apartment about 15 minutes from school. There's a motherfucking palm tree in the courtyard. I should be getting the place by this weekend. I should have DSL internet soonafter. The guy renting it is a friend of a teacher I talked to and

I have a phone. I won't really be using it.

I might be done crying at how stupid I've been since I've gotten here. Things are looking way up. People are extremely helpful and the town I'm in is so lovable.

I'm not necessarily done crying at how far you are.

Kids make out in public too much.

The middle school I work at is named after a French suffragette (feminist? wanted French women to have the vote? is that the word?). All the schools are named after artists, meaningful politcos and historical figures. Not local shlubs.

I've been invited to a Thanksgiving party by a History teacher whose wife's sister will be visiting from Maine with their American nanny.

I had, like, a 45 minute conversation all in French with a Chilean.

I understand so much that it makes me think I'm crazy. I'm talking a bit, but I still sound like a child. (Though, children are nearly impossible to understand.)

I stayed on a couch of a nice family in the suburbs of Toulouse. I found the father, who works for a meterological satellite company whose satellite launches next week, on the freeloaders site and left this morning in the cover of darkness. I went by foot-bus-metro-train-bus-foot to drop off my luggage at the high school so I won't have to fear what will happen to them while I sleep..god only knows where tonight. Tomorrow to Saturday I'll have a temporary place.

There's a (nation-wide) strike on Thursday in preparations for elections where a candidate will probably get elected and probably change some policies. Preventive strikes happen a lot here, I guess.

Pictures and full stories coming soon...

About September 2006

This page contains all entries posted to spacebase in September 2006. They are listed from oldest to newest.

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