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AFFINITY FOR TRAGEDY
AUGUST 16, 2005 1:22 PM

Today is the day I have set aside to finally finish the grad school application essay. I have been putting it off for longer than two months. I think the application essay must actually be much harder than anything that can come afterwards. If it could ONLy be a research paper, a magisterarbeit, a book! i would be frolicking. but no, this has to be about old me and worse yet, my so-called career goals. I have no ambitions for any sort of goals, and the word career gives our kind the shivers. In fact my only hope for the future is that I will be accepted to this damn grad-school so that I can spend my time with someone explicating important books for me.
Also, I am distracted by many JOYS and SORROWS.
JOYS -- On the first day of my 25th year I was showered with beautiful things that my beautiful friends had gathered together, I can't help the superlatives, they shine. I also can't help to get a little braggy and materialist here: a pie, cupcakes, a gorgeous painting of Georgous, flowers, a new bike, a rocket (!!) that takes aerial pictures, a wig including new identity as Svetlana Scheschkevitz, fresh herbs, a mix tape, a hand-made purse, a handmade miniature version of self, a lollipop the size of my head, champagne, wine, two huge barrels of beer, a performance of my favourite band. My brother rendered a striking new version of the Mona Lisa/me, that I find both disturbing and endearing. A whole day spend with what must be the most pleasant five people I know. Ended with James reading African fairy tales while we fall asleep around the other, still-full keg.
SORROWS -- I'm leaving all this loveliness soon to start all over in an unfriendly overcrowded German city that has been a key location for the inception of two world wars and whose most well-known symbol is a wall 100 miles long. Among the things I leave behind is my great love affair that I had moved half-way across the globe for, and had moved with reasons the best imaginable. If I keep starting every day with heartwrenching sobs I will never get my grad school application essay finished.

keep an eye on your mail box.... (wink!)

patrick | August 16, 2005 3:34 PM

JOYS!!

nina | August 16, 2005 3:46 PM

ilikeyourwritingnina

ryan | August 16, 2005 9:45 PM

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