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DECEMBER 6, 2006
SEASONAL SNACK SURVEY #2: HUMP DAY DOUBLE WHAMMY


For part #2 of the first annual SEASONAL SNACK SURVEY (2006), we take a look at two of the sugariest quasi-holiday snacks we have ever had the quasi-pleasure of tasting.

Official Taste Testers:

Steve, Beth, George

Methods:
Much like last week, our surveys judged the snacks in the areas of Taste and Flavor, Appearance, Comparison to the classic product, Overall Experience, Overall Festivity, and concluded with our General Comments. Surveys were filled out in secret and shared upon completion. Beth and Steve picked up these holiday products at the local Family Fare (the one on Fulton).

Results:

Holiday-packaged Mountain Dew:
TASTE/FLAVOR
Steve: 0 "Gross."
Beth: 1 "Fizzy. And sugary. And makes my stomach hurt."
George: 3. "Gross, but not quite as gross as I remember. Pleasantly surprised."


Average: 1.3

APPEARANCE
Steve: 2 "Eh."
Beth: 1 "Yellow #5"
George: 3 "It looks like a future drink. I am into that."

Average: 2

CLASSIC COMPARISON
Steve: 0 "I'm sure it tastes the same - but it sucks 'so bad' it deserves the big zilch."
Beth: 5 "The same."
George: 5 "It's the same. But with different packaging."

Average: 3.3

OVERALL EXPERIENCE
Steve: 1 "This experience was only saved because i was drinking from my Regis Mug. Without him, I'm not sure where i would be."
Beth: 1 "Lame."
George: 1

Average: 1

OVERALL FESTIVITY
Steve: 1 "I guess there's a ribbon 'from: dew to: me,' so that has to count for something... right?"
Beth: 0 "Possibly the least festive holiday-appropriate drink. Less festive than urine."
George: 1 "from: ME to: DEW: ZING!"


Average: 0.6



"Winter" Oreos:
TASTE/FLAVOR
Steve: 3 "They're better than i remember, but still not great."
Beth: 5 "!"
George: 4 "Oreolicious!"

Average: 4

APPEARANCE
Steve: 4.5 "Ice skates, snowmen, christmas trees - these are a few of my favorite things. Mind Blowin'!"
Beth: 2 "The red frosting looks gory, not festive."
George: 5 It's red. I am into that."

Average: 3.8

CLASSIC COMPARISON
Steve: 5 "I haven't eaten Oreos in years. Way better than i remember!"
Beth: 3 "Tastes the same. Looks Nastier."
George: 5 "I know there is really no difference between Winter Oreos and Classic, but somehow the red tricks me into liking it more."

Average: 4.3

OVERALL EXPERIENCE
Steve: 3.5 "Beautiful designs make me expect joy, but the taste is a let down."
Beth: 3
George: 4 "It's good, but i think my sugar intake has hit its limit."

Average: 3.5

OVERALL FESTIVITY
Steve: 4
Beth: 2 "Unless festivity = blood fest, nope."
George: 5 "On further examination, I really respond to the 4 fun winter shapes. Particularly the Gingerbread Man. He's Jolly."

Average: 3.6

General Comments:
Steve: "Packaging and design on cookies is amazing. Wonderful appearance that works great as a decorative and fun holiday snack. However, the taste is a bit of a let down. This could've been the perfect holiday cookie I've been looking (edit: he has been looking very hard) if only they tasted as good as they look. As for the "Dew," It basically ruined my night and almost the entire holiday season. Not only does it taste like algae-filled pond water, the design team blew it."

Beth: "Mountain Dew remind me of my high school job at Sbarro's. I drank an XL Mountain Dew/pink lemonade mix every shift to take the food court edge off. I no longer have to wear a pasta-inspired tie to work and consequently i'm not so desperate. Plus i like producing my own insulin. In conclusion, Mountain Dew is gross even if the packaging makes it look like a present. I want to brush the Oreo out of my teeth. Now."

After reading this, Beth had to lay down with a stomach ache.



George: "Well, it's final project week. So at least all of this sugar will help me stay up? right? i hope? my head hurts. "

 




Conclusion:

Holiday-packaged Mountain Dew: 1.6
Winter Oreos: 3.8

With an overall average score of 1.6 for Mountain Dew, we officially deem this product unsuitable for human consumption, holiday or not. Winter Oreos, on the other hand, slides by with a cool 3.8. By no means a perfect score, it's comparatively an ideal seasonal snack. We are happy to announce our approval for this product and add it to that canon of festive treats.
COMMENTS:
George: While his reviews were not that good at first; "I'm into that." his comment about future drinks got me thinking about modernism and futurism. I think that is what a good critic should do, present an astute description and provoke thought about the quality of the product.

Steve: Seemed to be in a good mood. His use of elipses, exclamation points and a spartan, word-less rating on the oreo's "overall festtivity" made this his strongest showing yet.

Beth:Unfortunately, Beth sidetracked the reader with a tale of minimum-wage employment at a shopping mall staple, Sbarro's. I can't really focus on anything but how to track down pictures from this moment in her employment history. One thing can surely be said, Beth writes with a frankness that is woefully absent from much contemporary snack criticism.

Oreos: I have always held that a fresh oreo is better than a not so fresh(not stale, just not "fresh") one. Since holiday Oreo's are obvioulsy produced and consumed within a given timeframe, this freshness may explain a bit of the taste superiority.

Posted by: Anonymous | December 6, 2006 11:03 PM
That was me.

Posted by: Anthony | December 6, 2006 11:03 PM
I wish that was me.

Posted by: jdawe | December 7, 2006 10:28 AM
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TIDBITS:
A moblog of what we are eating right this second in a convenient bite-sized package.

12:27 PM: FEBRUARY 21, 2007
PAZCKI FEVER

my office friend katie and i bought two dozen of these guys from american bakery up on bridge. nice guys, cool fat tuesday vibe! i had 3: prune, custard, apple. they were fantastic, but honestly even a day later i still kind of want to die a little bit inside. happy lent!

-geo.

9:55 PM: JANUARY 2, 2007
IMAGE150.JPG

my mother is from georgia, and its a southern tradition to start the new year with a plate of black eyed peas for good luck. Pictured here with collared greens and accompanied by a refreshing glass of apple cider - which is a michigan tradition for delicious! geo.

1:19 PM: DECEMBER 31, 2006
IMAGE103.JPG

Yuppie lunches are back in action at taste of india out in kentwood.

1:19 PM: DECEMBER 5, 2006
LEFTOVERS!

what can top everyone in charge at my office being gone at a meeting all day? they brought back left overs!! GOOD DAY!

geo.

12:42 AM: OCTOBER 25, 2006
SHOULDER BUTT PORK, BONELESS!

Almost got this to throw in the split pea soup.