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DECEMBER 6, 2006
SEASONAL SNACK SURVEY #2: HUMP DAY DOUBLE WHAMMY
For part #2 of the first annual SEASONAL SNACK SURVEY (2006), we take a look at two of the sugariest quasi-holiday snacks we have ever had the quasi-pleasure of tasting.
Official Taste Testers:
Steve, Beth, George
Much like last week, our surveys judged the snacks in the areas of Taste and Flavor, Appearance, Comparison to the classic product, Overall Experience, Overall Festivity, and concluded with our General Comments. Surveys were filled out in secret and shared upon completion. Beth and Steve picked up these holiday products at the local Family Fare (the one on Fulton).
Holiday-packaged Mountain Dew:
Steve: 0 "Gross."
Beth: 1 "Fizzy. And sugary. And makes my stomach hurt."
George: 3. "Gross, but not quite as gross as I remember. Pleasantly surprised."
Steve: 2 "Eh."
Beth: 1 "Yellow #5"
George: 3 "It looks like a future drink. I am into that."
Steve: 0 "I'm sure it tastes the same - but it sucks 'so bad' it deserves the big zilch."
Beth: 5 "The same."
George: 5 "It's the same. But with different packaging."
Steve: 1 "This experience was only saved because i was drinking from my Regis Mug. Without him, I'm not sure where i would be."
Beth: 1 "Lame."
Steve: 1 "I guess there's a ribbon 'from: dew to: me,'
so that has to count for something... right?"
Beth: 0 "Possibly the least festive holiday-appropriate drink. Less festive than urine."
George: 1 "from: ME to: DEW: ZING!"
Steve: 3 "They're better than i remember, but still not great."
Beth: 5 "!"
George: 4 "Oreolicious!"
Steve: 4.5 "Ice skates, snowmen, christmas trees - these are a few of my favorite things. Mind Blowin'!"
Beth: 2 "The red frosting looks gory, not festive."
George: 5 It's red. I am into that."
Steve: 5 "I haven't eaten Oreos in years. Way better than i remember!"
Beth: 3 "Tastes the same. Looks Nastier."
George: 5 "I know there is really no difference between Winter Oreos and Classic, but somehow the red tricks me into liking it more."
Steve: 3.5 "Beautiful designs make me expect joy, but the taste is a let down."
George: 4 "It's good, but i think my sugar intake has hit its limit."
Beth: 2 "Unless festivity = blood fest, nope."
George: 5 "On further examination, I really respond to the 4 fun winter shapes. Particularly the Gingerbread Man. He's Jolly."
"Packaging and design on cookies is amazing. Wonderful appearance that works great as a decorative and fun holiday snack. However, the taste is a bit of a let down. This could've been the perfect holiday cookie I've been looking (edit: he has been looking very hard) if only they tasted as good as they look. As for the "Dew," It basically ruined my night and almost the entire holiday season. Not only does it taste like algae-filled pond water, the design team blew it."
"Mountain Dew remind me of my high school job at Sbarro's. I drank an XL Mountain Dew/pink lemonade mix every shift to take the food court edge off. I no longer have to wear a pasta-inspired tie to work and consequently i'm not so desperate. Plus i like producing my own insulin. In conclusion, Mountain Dew is gross even if the packaging makes it look like a present. I want to brush the Oreo out of my teeth. Now."
After reading this, Beth had to lay down with a stomach ache.
"Well, it's final project week. So at least all of this sugar will help me stay up? right? i hope? my head hurts. "
Holiday-packaged Mountain Dew: 1.6
Winter Oreos: 3.8
With an overall average score of 1.6 for Mountain Dew, we officially deem this product unsuitable for human consumption, holiday or not. Winter Oreos, on the other hand, slides by with a cool 3.8. By no means a perfect score, it's comparatively an ideal seasonal snack. We are happy to announce our approval for this product and add it to that canon of festive treats.