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December 11, 2005
PARTY @ COUNTRY PLACE
On Friday night I went to my first (yes, you heard that right, first) college apartment party. I was slightly nervous walking up to the door with my girlfriend and two friends. The sign on the door read, "Please be nice, take off your shoes or shake them off". I took my shoes off, because I have forever been taught this is the proper thing to do when in a home (I even do this in the summer when I wash the windows of people's houses, company policy). The boombox blared "Humps" and the TV was surrounded by Pistons fans. I made my first step on the carpet and instantly my sock absorbed the melted snow that covered the apartment's carpet. Obviously some boneheads can't read! The place was quite crowded, people sitting in chairs, people dancing, socializing on the stairs, playing beer pong in the kitchen, etc...you know, typical college party behavior. I went in to the kitchen and grabbed a beer. I took a sip; it tasted horrible (as beer does), but I still enjoyed it. I must have drank 3 or 4 before I moved on to Jello Shots. I quickly slammed 3 of those and I was off to the living room... I started dancing to that awesome song with the words that repeat over and over again..Do The Laffy Taffy..Do the laffy taffy...Do the laffy taffy...do the laffy taffy..etc. I don't know what I happened. I just remember grabbing her and suddenly having a tongue jabbed into my mouth. I didn't comprehend what I was doing. What was I doing?! I snapped my head back. It was too late. The girl who I had plan on marrying for the past 2 years had seen everything. She stormed out of the apartment before I could utter a word. It was over. I grabbed another beer and sobbed my way to the upstairs bathroom. I blacked out. On Saturday morning I woke up, my head on the bathtub edge, covered in blood and puke. There was blood everywhere. The bathtub was full. I slowly arose making my way to the mirror. Blood covered my face. What had happened? I examined my body, no cuts anywhere. Nothing. What the heck? I got in my car and headed home.
It was awesome!
Truthfully,
I went to a party. Talked with my girlfriend and friends about weird parties we could throw and made up party stories.
Party Experience: D+
THIS WAS EDITED: Apparently a comment i made came off sounding kind of arrogant (it was not intended to do so), so it's gone.
Posted by cory at December 11, 2005 1:20 PM
Comments
I suspected something was up when you called the laffy taffy song "awesome." I've never heard anyone even pretend that song was good.
Posted by: Anthony at December 11, 2005 1:42 PM
is this your party fantasy?
Posted by: ben at December 11, 2005 1:52 PM
No.
My party fantasy will be carried out next year...but it's a secret.
It will involve scaring drunk people though.
Posted by: Cory Weaver at December 11, 2005 1:56 PM
"Made fun of how stupid most college kids."
Oh yeah, people that can kick back, have fun, laugh with their friends and enjoy alcohol are so lame. Don't they know it's only cool to dance if it's at a Blow show?
Posted by: Luke at December 11, 2005 2:38 PM
"Oh yeah, people that can kick back, have fun, laugh with their friends and enjoy alcohol are so lame. Don't they know it's only cool to dance if it's at a Blow show?"
I know!
Posted by: Cory Weaver at December 11, 2005 2:42 PM
You really had me going with that little story... and if you have a weird party, may I be invited?
Posted by: veronica at December 11, 2005 4:06 PM
of course, veronica.
Posted by: Cory Weaver at December 11, 2005 4:26 PM
man. I can't handle that type of emotional manipulation. I demand some sort of warning!
but well written. That picture doesn't really resemble what I know jello shots to be. It would be made in a dirty baking dish and it would be green....it's always green. The dudes that love jelloshots loved the Ghostbuster movies.
Posted by: peter j brant at December 11, 2005 7:00 PM
i love jelloshots and Ghostbusters! whoo!
Posted by: kevin at December 12, 2005 3:45 AM
GOOD. I was engrossed.
also, that Laffy Taffy song is easily one of my favorites of this year.
I'm Mr. Chik-o-Stik
Posted by: Steve Schroeder at December 22, 2005 1:03 PM